revelations

As of late I have been attempting to evaluate how I conduct myself. And during this evaluation, I've realized what a hypocrite I am. If you were among my close acquaintance, you might notice that I do talk to myself at times. Now, when no one's around, I talk to myself quite a bit. Sometimes during those sessions, I complain to myself about certain "injustices" I have experienced throughout the day or maybe that week; as I thought about this (and as I read a certain verse in this morning's devotions---a habit which I have, unforunately, only recently picked up again) I realized that maybe I should show a little more patience or listen a little closer, or ask God to help me treat someone I'm not particularly happy with, with more kindness. After all, I'm supposed to be trying to imitate Jesus; I believe He would have more patience with these certain persons if He were in my shoes. This verse that hit me is James 1:3-4, which says "The testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

Lately I've been realizing that I just can't do everything on my own; my stubborn independence has left me exhausted, empty, and utterly depressed because I've greatly dissapointed the people whose good opinion I desire most. Interestingly enough, there is a certain ironic aspect to this foolishness: I'm extremely independent, yet I lack confidence in myself. Seriously, I lack any confidence in myself. Yet again, in this morning's devotions another verse spoke to my heart; it allowed me to see my lack of confidence in a different light: "Do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise." If God has confidence in me, and I have confidence in Him, what's my problem in not having any in myself?